Written: in my at-home office
Powered by: a brown latte from Dua, the friendliest coffee shop in D.C.
Inspired by: social media
Pandemic (Math) Problems
- A metro bus carrying 18 people drives west at 20 mph during what was once known as rush hour. It takes the bus 6 minutes to arrive at its next stop, where it lets off 1 nurse and lets on a group of 3 legal interns who each find masks to be uncomfortable. The legal interns are headed to their 2nd of 3 scheduled happy hours. If none of the 3 interns covers their mouth to cough, how long will it take for the bus to reach its next stop?
- Gina has been Facebook friends with Joseph for two years. She has always found his tyrannical posts questioning the legitimacy of the September 11th terrorist attacks and shared videos of children with deformities after getting the flu shot ridiculous, but does find herself scrolling through the 100+ comments while she meant to be folding her laundry. If Joseph posts three news articles claiming that the coronavirus is a hoax designed to indoctrinate us, how many comments will Gina read before the posts are taken down?
- If Lin simultaneously signs on a new project (A) at work and homeschools her twins (B) at the kitchen table while her husband takes meetings (-C) from the home office, she will be seen as a “good mother.” (X) is the cost of Lin’s agreement. Solve for (X).
- Hudson and Amelia can’t believe how careless the people around them are being about social distancing. They have both been very strict about staying home since March. In April, they only went to visit their friends once (each). In May, they only saw Hudson’s parents outside at Nina’s graduation party (and also twice in April for family dinner). They both wear masks on their twenty-to-thirty minute bi-weekly trips to the grocery store, and have only been to Target once for dog food (and a few new home décor items, since they have been spending so much time inside: 3 bathroom rugs, 1 toothbrush holder, 2 cute new purses, 2 lamps, 1 adjustable laptop rack, and of course some snacks). In June on their annual family beach trip (because they deserve it, dammit) they only interacted with other people outdoors, except for their nightly trips to the wine bar while the kids stayed with a babysitter. If the combined outrage of Hudson and Amelia increases exponentially in relation to the number of trips they take, at what point will their ability to continue following CDC guidelines break?
- Arnie wakes up at 8:42 am to make coffee and a piece of toast for himself. He sits in front of his computer mostly playing Spider Solitaire but occasionally refreshing his work email until 11:18 am, and then takes his brisk daily walk which lasts until 11:35 am. His dad calls at 1:05 pm, and at 4:27 pm he plays Call of Duty with defcon69 until 8:29 pm. If Arnie beats off in the shower twice at 11:41 am and 8:53 pm, what time will it be when he stops feeling so lonely?