Things I read on social media don’t often stick with me, but I came across a post earlier this week that I can’t get out of my head. Ben Bergeron, a Crossfit coach who has both an interesting book and podcast, posted the following list under the title “How Do You Grow?”
- Choose education over entertainment
- Read non-fiction over fiction
- Watch documentaries over movies/tv
- Listen to podcasts over music/talk radio
- Self analysis over judging others
We all want to be better tomorrow than we are today. We all have goals or dreams or ideas to pursue. There is lots of advice out there about how to move towards those things, but this advice bothers me. Not because I enjoy fiction and TV shows and music and don’t want to give them up, but because this list isn’t how you grow. It’s how you become a robot.
Coach Bergeron mentors world-class athletes, and so if your goal in life is singular, and if your world revolves around that one thing then maybe you should listen to him and not me. If you want to be a champion wrestler or pasta-maker and you know that without a doubt in your soul then yes, skip the bar crawl for a practice session and don’t start that binge-inducing new series when you could use that time to sharpen your skills.
But if your goals are more holistic, and if you get purpose from getting better in lots of aspects of your life, I think this is misguided. I don’t believe in being prescriptive about becoming a better person, and I think there are a ton of ways to see and find growth that don’t include giving up art and experiences.
So what did I do as a result of this post from a stranger that has no real impact on my life except that I just could NOT let it go?
Obviously, I made a list.
Plain Plain Casey Jane’s Thoughts On How You Grow:
You learn from every experience
Develop (or cultivate) a love of learning. If you start looking for learning opportunities you will find them in everything you do, whether you are doing something with the intention of “educating” yourself or not. Angela Duckworth’s incredible book Grit uses science to prove that the best way to ensure success is to persevere, but I learned more about determination and attitude from an experience I had climbing a rock wall next to a six-year-old. Take every moment and learn from it, whether it’s in the form of taking notes on a lecture or soaking in a conversation with new people.
You read more
Read whatever you want to read. Reading is always going to be good for you, it’s never going to be a bad thing, so feel free to do more of it.
If you aren’t a big fan of reading you can sub in things like audiobooks, but I still recommend having a physical book that you can hold and carry with you and see yourself progressing through. You don’t have to read fast, and you always have permission (my permission, at least) to stop reading books you don’t like. And just for a quick list inside of a list, if you’re looking for good book recommendations, here are three of my current favorite FICTION (cough cough, Ben) books that I am convinced every person on the planet would find interesting, if not full-on enjoy:
1. The Friend by Sigrid Nunez
2. The Secret History by Donna Tartt
3. Fates & Furies by Lauren Groff
If you want to become more of a reader, try reading when you either can’t sleep, are bored, or are obsessing over a particular problem or worry. If you already love to read, try reading at stop lights while you’re driving, in the dentist’s chair getting your teeth cleaned, and at your high school prom, all of which I have done and can personally attest to being great (if not particularly safe) decisions.
You curate your content
Thanks to technology it is possible to start and end my day without experiencing silence at all. At home, at work, and in transit I can stuff my hours with podcasts, music, audiobooks, the news, the radio, a TV episode, and conversations with anyone I want. I can constantly be on intake mode, listening as much as I possibly can. This is an enticing way to live, because it feels uber-productive. My list of books read and podcasts listened to and TV shows binged (all at the same time!) is ever-growing. But when I get into this habit, it’s easy for me to focus on how great of a multi-tasker I am and not actually give myself space to analyze or digest or even think about, well, anything.
Instead of becoming a human marketplace, trafficking a constant flow of anything and everything through your brain, become the curator of your mental space. Look at everything you consume critically, the way you would if you were putting it on display, and then decide what you want to keep and what you can let go of.
Also thanks to technology, you can always get back anything you release, so don’t worry about making the “right” choice. Once you’ve trimmed some of the fat, use that new time to do something intake-free. This could be producing something of your own, or taking on a practice of silence, whether that be in stationary meditation or taking a walk or jog without your headphones on.
You create something you care about
Don’t fill your days taking things in without giving anything back. The process of putting something out into the world will give you significantly more growth than the process of taking something out of it. Try to relax into this. Don’t focus so much on what it is or how good it is (see my previous post on creating, even if it’s shitty) just focus on doing something, and be curious about where it can lead you. Maybe you create something you want to share with others, or maybe it’s just for yourself. The act of building is the most important part, not what becomes of the thing you’ve built.
You observe yourself and others
Listen, I’m hella on the self-awareness bandwagon. There is so much value in focusing on yourself, your growth, your decisions, and your path, instead of worrying about how anyone else is behaving. But I also think that there is too much to be learned from others to just ignore them entirely. Watching the people around you, listening to what they have to say even if you don’t think you will agree or understand, is fortifying your personal lexicon of life.
This is not to say that it’s kosher to judge other people for the things you hear them say or see them do. As my sassy southern mama would remind me, “that’s between them and Jesus.” But I don’t have to learn everything by doing it myself, and I definitely won’t learn it all by reading books or watching documentaries. A lot of learning comes from seeing things first hand, so open your eyes and observe the world around you. Learning from yourself and others also gives you more empathy, perspective, and understanding. You know, all the important shit that actually makes you a genuinely good person.
I don’t think Coach Bergeron was being finite in his list, and neither am I. So what else do you think we could add to our list of how to grow?
Talk to people in real life (and listen to what they have to say).