A Job Epilogue

My job as the Kiva Tulsa Program Lead came to me at a time when I needed to prove myself to myself. I was unsure about my future, what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be, and where I was going. So I took a chance on a job application for a position in an industry I knew nothing about (and for those of you that are unfamiliar with Kiva, you can check out their website, but basically we offer community-supported business loans at 0% interest through crowdfunding, and it’s pretty sweet and desperately needed for entrepreneurs worldwide) and in true founder form a few people took a risk in giving that chance back to me. I was hired. 

Running a program and becoming immersed in the world of startups was like being enrolled in a business/investor/motivational speaker crash course, and I picked up my fair share of lessons along the way. But as I wrap up my time with Kiva, I’m thinking back on the most important pieces of advice I was given, and areas that truly altered my perception of my work and my life: 

Presence: Be in the moment with people 

Our days are a constant balance of tuning in or tuning out. As you approach the counter to order your morning cup of coffee, as you take your seat waiting for a presenter to being speaking, you have the opportunity to take full advantage of the present moment or to distance yourself and let time pass. You can observe the people around you, be genuine and appreciative of the barista serving you, and take a few moments to be in your moment, or you can take out your phone and tick through a few emails, update your Twitter feed. 

Now listen, I’m all for a good social media break. My current obsession is hand-lettering, and my Instagram feed is filled with videos of swirling color and beautiful words across the page. We all can appreciate taking a moment to ourselves, I just want to bring awareness to the moments when we could connect instead. This includes those bigger moments, when you’re in a meeting and you’re tempted to let your mind wander, or when you’ve agreed to get coffee with someone on a particularly stressful day. It’s easy to give yourself permission to tune someone out for a few minutes to doodle, or to write off a new person before you’ve even been introduced. It’s much harder to approach each situation giving your authentic, focused, best self. It’s more draining, for sure, and maybe it won’t always be worth it. I’m just saying, I’ve had my world shifted by so many moments I could have overlooked if I’d been perfecting my cat doodles or looking at Facebook notifications. 

Passion: If it matters to you, it matters

I believe that the world is a significantly better place because our human brains are capable of caring about so many vastly different things. Our minds are weird and vast and have an insatiable capacity for new ideas, hobbies, and perspectives. I’m grateful to the people who unabashedly chased their own passions, and encouraged me to do the same. Working with entrepreneurs taught me to capture whatever it is that excites me and hold it close. There is no limit to what we can think about, dream about, or be about. This goes for looking into a new career path, starting your own business, or learning something new. 

I used to choose to do things based on what other people would be impressed by, things that I could label as “accomplishments” or “making a difference.” But what a satisfying feeling it can be to rest in knowing that if I am interested in something, then that’s enough of a reason to pursue it further. Knowing this led me to Kiva, it led me to rock climbing, and it led me to start this blog. This type of passion-filled wandering has brought me most of the good things I have in my life, including an adopted dog that I’m pretty sure is actually an alien. 

Public speaking: It doesn’t get easier, you just get better

And now for a more grounded piece of advice: you will never say exactly what you mean to when you’re speaking to an audience, and even if you do, it will never come across exactly as you intend. Know that you will never get it perfect. But know that you can still produce an effective, inspiring message and that every opportunity to speak in front of people is a chance to get better at sharing your own story. 

I have no idea why I’m so drawn to roles where I’m required to be in front of an audience. Days when I was asked to speak on a panel, participate in a Facebook Live interview, or give a talk in front of entrepreneurs were days filled with anxiety and multiple outfit changes. I much preferred days of researching, one on one meetings over coffee, and filling out or organizing reports and forms. But I also felt that what we have to say at Kiva is important, and that the stories of our borrowers and our world view are worth sharing. I wanted to be the person to share that, so I had to get comfortable with the discomfort of all eyes on me. 

There are plenty of experts out there who can give strategies and tangible tips to improve your public speaking. I’m just here to say that it’s better to get up and speak out than to wait silently for perfection. 

Positivity: More than sunshine and rainbows

I am not a naturally positive person. Ask my Crossfit coach. Ask my mom. Honestly, my natural tendency leans towards whining. I’m easily stressed out, and possibly the most anxious person I’ve ever met. But I couldn’t be that way and be good at my job, or good at my life. Thankfully all my worrying about not being good at my job led me to change, little by little. It started with an attitude adjustment. 

Positivity has the power to make you a better person. When you have a mindset that is centered around positive outcomes, you’re more likely to be efficient and effective at the task at hand. But in my mind, positivity had always resembled a bouncy bubbly cheerleader, which doesn’t sync with my own self perception. So either I had to change how I viewed myself, or I had to change how I viewed positivity. 

I changed positivity. Remember my Crossfit coach? Now, instead of a cheerleader, I’m starting to see how positivity resembles that coach. It takes way more grit and determination to be positive than to be negative, and when I’m checking in with myself and thinking about how to show up intentionally as the best version of myself for that moment, I find that I’m able to bring out more authentically felt positive emotion than when I’m just marking items off of my to-do list or counting the minutes until 5 pm. 

Purpose: Finding What’s Next

The question I’ve been asked ceaselessly over the past month: what’s next for me? The answer: I don’t know. But I’m looking, through glasses filtered by my purpose in life, just slightly more clear after this experience. 

I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m curious to find out. And I’m eagerly searching for the lessons I’ll learn on the way.