For hard days

A phrase, from the wall of my old gym: it never gets easier, you just get better. 

It’s a statement that is as true of life as it is of Crossfit, and I think that’s how we want things to be. Working hard makes us better people, and I know I’m not the only person who likes to do hard work and call themselves a hard worker. 

Developing a solid work ethic is a great way to live your life, and is the only way to reach any meaningful goals. But it also means you can create a life around constantly going hard and never giving yourself a break. 

Lately I’ve started to feel like everything I’m working on is just hard, and not actually getting me towards my goals, which is basically my worst nightmare (anyone else out there hate feeling like they aren’t good enough?). I’ve been waking up tired, rushing from thing to thing trying to cross as much off my to-do list as possible, and straining not to let my frustrations bubble to the surface in front of other people. I’m struggling to take feedback on projects at work because it means I have to take more time to get it done right. I’m struggling to keep from yelling when I miss a lift at the gym because it means I have to try again. I’m struggling not to snap at my family and friends when they offer me advice because it means other people have this kind of stuff under control but I don’t. 

But I overheard something on the train a few days ago that was comforting to me: if you think it’s hard, that’s because it is. 

If you think getting up early to get to work on time is hard, that’s because it is. It would be way easier to hit snooze and snuggle back under the covers. 

If you think it’s hard to run a mile further than you did last time, that’s because it is. it would be way easier to slow it down to a walk, or to skip it altogether. 

If you think whatever your’e working towards is hard, that’s because it is. Work is never easy, no matter how long you’ve been doing it or how much you want to do it. Hard work is hard, not because you are inadequate or unworthy or doing it wrong. It just is. 

So then what? Do we give up? Do we stop doing the hard things when it feels hard? Maybe. I’m not an advice guru. I’m not writing this to give you the “3 Tips to Beat Burnout!” Or the “5 Secrets You Should Know When You’re Feeling Worn Out!” Or whatever. But for me, I know that’s not an option. I know that a life without work isn’t what I want. So I do my best to push when I can, and rest when I can’t. I do my best to do my best. And I take comfort in the little things I overhear on the bus that remind me that I’m justified in feeling like it’s hard, because it is. 

I remind myself of people I admire who have achieved great things. I remind myself of the writer Elizabeth Gilbert who tells us to show up, everyday, and do the work just to do it, without thinking about the eventual outcome. Or the athlete Katrin Davidsdottir who compares herself to a sled dog, an animal that loves to do its job each day and never stops even if it doesn’t know exactly where it’s going. 

I show up, each day as I am and trust that while it never gets easier, I am getting better. And that’s good enough.