Written: in my at-home office
Powered by: sheer stubbornness to post something every day, dammit
Inspired by: The Daily Stoic
“The task of a philosopher: we should bring our will into harmony with whatever happens, so that nothing happens against our will and nothing that we wish for fails to happen.” Epictetus, Discourses, 2.14.7
Today, she decided she would smile more. She would practice gratitude for all things, big and small, good and bad. Not bad, she reminded herself, just not so good. Just an exciting opportunity to experience something new.
Today, she would not impose her will on the world. She would see herself as fortunate in everything.
So when her alarm went off in the morning, she smiled to herself while she brushed her hair and she smiled when she stepped out the front door. What an exciting opportunity to get to work early and have a productive day. She smiled at the people she walked by on the way to bus.
“Nice ass!” yelled a man from across the street, whom she had smiled at earlier. “Put a smile on!” he yelled again when she looked away.
She smiled at her co-workers as they walked into the conference room for their morning meeting, and smiled as she pitched them her new idea.
“I’m not feeling the energy here,” Marshall said.
“It’s a good effort, as always. But I think we could really take this to the next level.” Peter said.
“Excellent,” said Arnold, “Marshall, you run with this. Let Manda know if you need anything.” She smiled as they gathered their things and left. What an exciting opportunity to work more closely with members of her team on a project she cared about.
She smiled to the man on her ride home as he apologized for smashing his briefcase into her face when he reached for the rail. He even flirted with her a little afterwards, gave her his business card and said he would take her out for coffee sometime to make up for it. What an exciting opportunity to get to know someone new.
Their conversation was cut short when his phone began to ring. He winked at her as he answered, holding up his finger to pause what she had been telling him. She waited as he grew impatient listening to the call, watched as he snapped “Honestly Alicia, it’s just not that fucking difficult.”
The woman sitting in front of her next to her young daughter was also watching. She waved for his attention, gestured to her child, and put a finger to her lips in a “please watch your language in front of kids in public places” kind of way.
The man rolled his eyes, pulled the phone away from his mouth and hissed, “It’s a bus, bitch. Get used to it.” He got off at the next stop.
At home, she sighed (and smiled!) as she changed into her running clothes, ready for her favorite way to end the day. What a great opportunity to de-stress and get in some healthy exercise. She set out with a smile on her face, even as the sky which had been sizzling and sunny all day began to turn grey.
The rain wasn’t unbearable, and she smiled as she realized how fortunate she was to be running while it was cool outside. She was really starting to enjoy herself and decided to run down the street to the bakery and treat herself to something sweet.
She rounded the corner and ran past a bar, where a group of men talking boisterously walked out just as she tried to squeeze by. One flippant toss of an arm T-boned her right in the throat, knocking her backwards onto the sidewalk.
“Oh fuck,” the man said, leaning down to help her up. His concern turned quickly to amusement, “Oh fuck,” he chuckled, “You total ate it. Man, my bad.”
Her tailbone zinged with a pain that shot up and down her entire body. She glanced down at her phone and saw that the screen had cracked when she landed on it. What an exciting opportunity for a few days of bedrest, she thought, what an exciting opportunity to realize that material possessions aren’t that important, what an exciting opportunity…
She didn’t see the punch coming, so of course neither did he. She didn’t punch him hard, but it shocked them both, enough that the man let out a little squeal as it happened.
And then she kept running. And she didn’t apologize, and she didn’t look back, and she didn’t smile.
What an exciting opportunity to just say fuck it.
***
A quick note about this story, because one of my fears in writing fiction is being misinterpreted: writing and posting in the same day doesn’t leave much time for editing, so this isn’t as polished as I would like it to be. My idea was to write a snarky, amusing piece about this expectation that we always look for the positive, that we smile away our negative experiences. Honestly, this is advice I try to implement everyday. I’m not great at staying contented, in fact I’m really good at wallowing in my own self-pity, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with shifting your perspective when a situation leaves you feeling unhappy. But I do think there’s something wrong with never allowing yourself to feel your feelings. I do think there’s a problem with expecting people to behave perfectly at all times, especially women, especially women when they interact with men. Sometimes you just have to say fuck it (not condoning or encouraging violence in any way/shape/form). You certainly can’t just smile at everything and call it a good life.
Moral of the story, it’s ok admit to having a shitty day and it’s also ok to power through a shitty day and not let it get you down.
Moral of the quick note about this story, just don’t take anything I say/write too seriously because I honestly have no idea and am still figuring it all out too.